I’m just going to say now that I’m too sure if any of what I’m going to say will make sense, but I need to say it. It probably isn’t going to be the best thing I’ve ever written, but I need to write it because there are things that are heavy on my heart. So, brace yourselves for whatever is about to follow this.
I’ve sort of been living in a swarm of thoughts. Things are happening but they’re only happening because my body knows that they need to. I spent all of last week doing things and not realizing that I was doing them. It was almost like my body and mind went into an autopilot mode and functioned without me.
Everything from last week is sort of a blur, I remember how things happened and I remember everything that happened, but I can’t really tell you on what days certain things occurred. Monday was a mess of getting things in the office done and finding out that we were taking dad out of the hospital. Tuesday morning was spent thinking Brockton would get to have a fantastic birthday and get to go to the care center to see his Pappy to give him a hug and kiss and then by 9:10 everything changed. Dad passed and everything after that is a blur.
I’ve said before that if I only learned one thing from dad and his battle with two different types of cancer it’s that I was taking life for granted. I wasn’t really living, I wasn’t doing anything close to really living. The entire time dad fought his cancer he never complained, he always said he felt great and made sure that he worked every day. I’ve sat idle too much, told Brockton “no” too many times and not taken enough chances in my 25 years of life.
Now is the time for me to really start living, I’m going to stop over-thinking things, I’m going to stop doing things so by the book and I’m going to stop complaining about my life because it really isn’t a bad life at all!
Yesterday when I woke up Brockton begged me to go to Austin and I almost told him no and then I realized that I need to stop saying no to him. We got breakfast and go on the road and spent the entire day doing things that Brockton wanted to do because I want to make sure that I do things with him and for him because life is too damn short for me to tell him no when he asks to do stuff with me.
I don’t know if anything I’ve said makes any sense, but I already feel lighter just getting things off my chest. Dad taught me a lot in my life and I am so thankful that I learned from him because I couldn’t have asked to learn lessons from a better person.