21 Mar 2013
17 Mar 2013
16 Mar 2013
13 Mar 2013
12 Mar 2013
12 Mar 2013
I’m just going to say now that I’m too sure if any of what I’m going to say will make sense, but I need to say it. It probably isn’t going to be the best thing I’ve ever written, but I need to write it because there are things that are heavy on my heart. So, brace yourselves for whatever is about to follow this. I’ve sort of been living in a swarm of thoughts. Things are happening but they’re only happening because my body knows that they need to. I spent all of last week doing things and not realizing that I was doing them. It was almost like my body and mind went into an autopilot mode and functioned without me.  Everything from last week is sort of a blur, I remember how things happened and I remember everything that happened, but I can’t really tell you on what days certain things occurred. Monday was a mess of getting things in the office done and finding out that we were taking dad out of the hospital. Tuesday morning was spent thinking Brockton would get to have a fantastic birthday and get to go to the care center to see his Pappy to give him a hug and kiss and then by 9:10 everything changed. Dad passed and everything after that is a blur.  I’ve said before that if I only learned one thing from dad and his battle with two different types of cancer it’s that I was taking life for granted. I wasn’t really living, I wasn’t doing anything close to really living. The entire time dad fought his cancer he never complained, he always said he felt great and made sure that he worked every day. I’ve sat idle too much, told Brockton “no” too many times and not taken enough chances in my 25 years of life.  Now is the time for me to really start living, I’m going to stop over-thinking things, I’m going to stop doing things so by the book and I’m going to stop complaining about my life because it really isn’t a bad life at all!  Yesterday when I woke up Brockton begged me to go to Austin and I almost told him no and then I realized that I need to stop saying no to him. We got breakfast and go on the road and spent the entire day doing things that Brockton wanted to do because I want to make sure that I do things with him and for him because life is too damn short for me to tell him no when he asks to do stuff with me.  I don’t know if anything I’ve said makes any sense, but I already feel lighter just getting things off my chest. Dad taught me a lot in my life and I am so thankful that I learned from him because I couldn’t have asked to learn lessons from a better person. 

I’m just going to say now that I’m too sure if any of what I’m going to say will make sense, but I need to say it. It probably isn’t going to be the best thing I’ve ever written, but I need to write it because there are things that are heavy on my heart. So, brace yourselves for whatever is about to follow this.

I’ve sort of been living in a swarm of thoughts. Things are happening but they’re only happening because my body knows that they need to. I spent all of last week doing things and not realizing that I was doing them. It was almost like my body and mind went into an autopilot mode and functioned without me. 

Everything from last week is sort of a blur, I remember how things happened and I remember everything that happened, but I can’t really tell you on what days certain things occurred. Monday was a mess of getting things in the office done and finding out that we were taking dad out of the hospital. Tuesday morning was spent thinking Brockton would get to have a fantastic birthday and get to go to the care center to see his Pappy to give him a hug and kiss and then by 9:10 everything changed. Dad passed and everything after that is a blur. 

I’ve said before that if I only learned one thing from dad and his battle with two different types of cancer it’s that I was taking life for granted. I wasn’t really living, I wasn’t doing anything close to really living. The entire time dad fought his cancer he never complained, he always said he felt great and made sure that he worked every day. I’ve sat idle too much, told Brockton “no” too many times and not taken enough chances in my 25 years of life. 

Now is the time for me to really start living, I’m going to stop over-thinking things, I’m going to stop doing things so by the book and I’m going to stop complaining about my life because it really isn’t a bad life at all! 

Yesterday when I woke up Brockton begged me to go to Austin and I almost told him no and then I realized that I need to stop saying no to him. We got breakfast and go on the road and spent the entire day doing things that Brockton wanted to do because I want to make sure that I do things with him and for him because life is too damn short for me to tell him no when he asks to do stuff with me. 

I don’t know if anything I’ve said makes any sense, but I already feel lighter just getting things off my chest. Dad taught me a lot in my life and I am so thankful that I learned from him because I couldn’t have asked to learn lessons from a better person. 
4 notes
11 Mar 2013
10 Mar 2013
7 Mar 2013
5 Mar 2013
5 Mar 2013
28 Feb 2013
28 Feb 2013
28 Feb 2013
I just found this picture of Brockton and I from Easter 2010, my heart is so full right now.  Look at that little man! Sometimes I find it hard to believe that so much time has passed with him, he’s about to be five and I feel like I’ve taken his entire life for granted. Sure, I live in the days and I cherish the moments that I get with him, but I also feel like I don’t fully realize how truly lucky I am to be the mother to this amazing boy.  If I only take one thing away from my dad battling cancer it’s that I need to cherish the days, really and truly cherish them and live in them and not take a single second for granted. When I stumbled across this picture, and numerous others from that day, this morning I could feel my entire soul smile. I remember everything about that day, I remember getting angry with Brockton for not listening, I remember getting mad at my mom and sister for telling me not to be angry with him, I remember watching him stumble around in excitement picking up eggs and throwing them into his Elmo basket, I remember sitting in the grass opening the eggs and him screaming with joy because they had candy in them. I remember so many things about that day, about all of the days he’s been alive, but I’ve never really stopped and taken the time to truly appreciate them.  These pictures that I found this morning are helping me appreciate what I have been given. I don’t know what I did in life to deserve being the mother to this amazing little man, but I’m so glad that I was lucky enough to get him. 

I just found this picture of Brockton and I from Easter 2010, my heart is so full right now. 

Look at that little man! Sometimes I find it hard to believe that so much time has passed with him, he’s about to be five and I feel like I’ve taken his entire life for granted. Sure, I live in the days and I cherish the moments that I get with him, but I also feel like I don’t fully realize how truly lucky I am to be the mother to this amazing boy. 

If I only take one thing away from my dad battling cancer it’s that I need to cherish the days, really and truly cherish them and live in them and not take a single second for granted. When I stumbled across this picture, and numerous others from that day, this morning I could feel my entire soul smile. I remember everything about that day, I remember getting angry with Brockton for not listening, I remember getting mad at my mom and sister for telling me not to be angry with him, I remember watching him stumble around in excitement picking up eggs and throwing them into his Elmo basket, I remember sitting in the grass opening the eggs and him screaming with joy because they had candy in them. I remember so many things about that day, about all of the days he’s been alive, but I’ve never really stopped and taken the time to truly appreciate them. 

These pictures that I found this morning are helping me appreciate what I have been given. I don’t know what I did in life to deserve being the mother to this amazing little man, but I’m so glad that I was lucky enough to get him. 
8 notes
28 Feb 2013